My father left us in May 2017, nine years after my mother was gone. I visited him that summer but he passed on two weeks after I returned to Canada. Many times I regretted that I didn't stay till his last moment.
Last night my parents came to my dream. They often do. In my dreams, they never even left us, never even went to heaven. They were always here on earth with us. In my dreams, they could do what they couldn't when they were alive. My father could drive a car, my mom could dance. They were both playing a very active part in my daily life. I was super happy when we did things together, especially when my father was around. It feels like I always wanted his approval and I always got it...in my dreams.
I have never written anything about my father, yet I always wanted to write something. Many years ago, I wanted to write something in Chinese and send it to a newspaper or magazine. I even had the title ready in my head.
Yet, I never wrote that article.
Sometimes I feel that I never really understand father. He was a man with few words yet he projected power and authority in the family life. I didn't see my parents often after I went to college at the age of 16. The bond I had with them went weaker.
I always wanted to rebuild that bond with my parents, especially with my father.
Today you are deep in my thought, father and I miss you dearly.
Happy Father's Day, no matter where you are.
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